Its easy to take it all for granted.
The uneventful days that begin with trying to get the kids up for school and end with a kiss and a snuggle. Interspersed are the weekends in the park, a small bunch of wild flowers and the attack by the swans by the lake. Days of watching teletubbies and feeding the totally impalatable weetabix, repeated over and over again. Finishing the snowman in winter because Rhea was too cold to finish it and defrosting the little cold hands when they come back from school. Finishing off leftovers from their plates, playing in the bath with the kids till their skins wrinkle like a washer woman. Being the tooth fairy and being the secret santa.
Of course I worried about lots of things too. I worried that if varun didnt share his toys, he would never be able to get on with anyone in his life. If Rhea was not docile, she would end up being a bully or being bullied i school. Also worried if she would ever grow hair, what if Varun stammered…..luckily none of that happened.
Life moved at its own pace and before we knew it, the mornings were replaced by the well rehearsed rituals of good byes and see you in the evenings. They no longer needed the weetabix or teletubbies. soon replaced by the big bang theory and beans on toast. The hand that i used to clutch while crossing the road was no longer there. instead, my 12 year old was always 2 steps behind me. The little girl , who adored my sense of hair styling, now makes her own hair as well as faces in the mirror, which i fail to comprehend. Life in now a routine of taxi service and cheque signing. I soon learnt that it was important to keep up with them rather than make them listen to us. Gone were those days of teaching them ‘mary had a little lamb’, rather it was time for me to learn ‘ titanium’ and ‘little wings’. I have learnt to be invisible but available when their friends come around.
Slowly they stopped smuggling into our room at night. There were no longer fights to use our bathroom and no one to steal the last piece of cake in the fridge. The bedroom door which had always been open, now remains closed. The boy who was always clutching my leg, now clutches his phone 24/7. It hit me then that i have reached a new phase in our lives: the teenage era. a difficult phase, turning my cute chubby angel into a sulky grown up alien, who was totally foreign to me. That was a moment of reflection, as to where has he disappeared to…..the moment, alone in bed, when a tear rolls down my cheek, replaying the last argument i had with him, asking myself how and where i went wrong. How did i change from being the apple of the eye of the most adorable baby in he world to someone not desired at all….i try now to take each day on its own, to dance with the moment, faster and faster. Sometimes i slip, sometimes i glide…..i try all i can to keep up, i cook, fill the fridge with goodies they like, keep out of their conversations with friends, try and act cool…..
in the last few days, i have realised that very soon, my son will fly the nest and i have to start now by letting him go. Another 6 years and rhea will also be ready to take flight. That will be dawn of a new era. The house will be quiet. Rooms that looked bombed at the moment will have an ethereal feel to them. There will be so much of choice on which tv programmes to watch. No acting as a referee or a taxi driver. The most perfect gift in my life will soon cease to exist in its intensity. Of course, love will always be there, the family being stronger and more united. but living int heir own capsules.
Hence i have decided to savour each and every moment now. the simple everyday things in life…..the lazy weekend mornings, family dinners, the kids and us all slumped in a couch, fighting over the duvet and watching a movie, the last minute rush to the stores to buy a pen, the reluctant kiss at night…..i try to look for any sign of the chubby obese child that varun once was. I long for his cheeks to turn red when he would laugh, like it did when he was little. i dread thaT my little princess would soon turn into a young woman and be whisked away to her fairyland by her prince charming.
Nobody told me that the most precious moments were not the ones i had on my holidays abroad, or during special occasions. The most precious moments were those which quietly passed away. I would do anything to hold my baby in my arms again, to feel his soft skin against mine. To bake a cake with rhea and clean the kitchen for hours after that. To see the pride in her eyes when we would bake a fancy ‘ in her eyes only though’ cake for her birthday… but i know those days will never come again. but i can definitely extend my present!
So i finally learnt to cherish the gift i have, the gift of all those perfectly ordinary days……the gift of my perfectly perfect family 🙂