I always have happy dreams, well most of the time.
As a result of which, a routine day starts with me jumping out of bed, super excited at the prospects that loom in front of me. Within minutes, I am bounding down the stairs, shrill cooing sound which is oh so inappropriate that early in the morning and that makes both of you shout out in anger for disturbing the calm and peace. The only person who finds this attractive is Romeo, who awaits my brouhaha with an equally ebullient thump of his tail.
But it doesn’t take long for this bubble to burst. Some days, I feel that I am on top of things, most days I know I am not. Some days I feel that today is the day when I will finish each and every target to be achieved only to realise that I have not gotten even to the start.
And suddenly I am tired. Tired of being the juggler, tired of the false confidence, tired of the smile. And that opens the floodgates of guilt….and oh what a flood it is. Only mothers know how strong and powerful guilt can be. The guilt of not have the perfectly perfect home for kids that is rubbed into your faces in the advertisements, the crisp linen and folded sock drawers. The guilt of not cooking three meals a day like my mum used to. The guilt of ignoring hubby in favour of useless worthless telephonic conversations with friends. The list is endless.
I sit down for a moment, collect my thoughts and look around me. Yes, I see your rooms which resemble a typhoon wreck, but I also notice the half curled smile on your lips while you sleep. I see a rather worn out shaggy dog, wet and breathing heavily after his rather successful romp in the park, still dreaming of the rabbits that he once again could not catch. I see hubby spread out on the sofa watching the latest in a series of mutant movies, eyes glazed and mouth open in astonishment as if they were actually communicating with him. I see my parents in their own corners of the house poring intently over the latest whatsapp video with televisions blaring full blast, heralding the imminent arrival of the latest doom in India and the world.
And that is when i know that I am not doing a bad job, in fact, i am doing a xxxxxxx amazing job. And I am not doing it alone. I take a deep breath, suck my sagging tummy in, tuck that unwanted grey hair behind my ear and gather a smile…..
Its time for that well deserved gin and tonic! My moment of joy, my well earned joy.
So remember that when life hands you lemon, you go ahead and make lemonade or gin and tonic. You can always make it a lot better than what it actually looks like. You just have to look around you.
And the cycle repeats itself again and again and again…….tbc